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Author
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Topic: Some sad news
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted May 24, 2021 09:58 AM
Tim Anderson's wife has been diagnosed with stage #4 lung cancer and is receiving chemo treatments.
I'm sure they would appreciate thoughts and prayers as they battle such a serious illness.
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted May 24, 2021 10:21 AM
I never know what to say at times like this.
Just know that our thoughts are with you.
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7579 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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earthwalker
Cultural Editor & middleweight arm wrestling champion/Intermountain Region
Member # 4177
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posted May 24, 2021 01:31 PM
I'm the same way Ko Ko
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another long hot smoky summer coming
Posts: 1105 | From: Intermountain region | Registered: Jul 2012
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted May 24, 2021 03:44 PM
What else can we do? As for me, since I can relate, my wife died of stage 4 lung cancer, even though it's been 15 years now, I think I understand the coping he has and will have, down the road.
Other than that, I can't think of words of comfort, any more than the rest, but I've been there and he knows it.
I lost my best friend a couple weeks ago. I'm kinda at the age where you start to think about why him and not me? Same with Nancy, never ever in those 46 years did I think that she would go before me.
Anyway, it's not over and the Chemo can help a lot so maybe Tim will know that we are thinking of him.
He has moved away from making stands for coyotes to hunting them with his dogs, and his dogs are in demand, he could sell more than he has. Many people evolve. I used to be into contests, night hunting and pretty much changed to daylights. Before I got sick, anyway. People change.
So, there it is. Hang in there, Tim!
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Paul Melching
Radical Operator Forum "You won't get past the front gate"
Member # 885
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posted May 25, 2021 05:37 AM
Cancer sucks. My nephew was just diagnosed for tumors in his neck going through chemo now ! It ruined my life for sure !I pray she will come through !
I already told my wife if it comes back I will not seek treatment in my case the cure is worse than the disease !
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Those who value security over liberty soon will have neither !
Posts: 4188 | From: The forest ! north of the dez. | Registered: Jul 2006
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted May 25, 2021 06:59 AM
You know, Paul. I knew 2 women that decided to forgo the treatments when they had a relapse and knowing how brutal it was. Sure enough, they both died but they didn't endure that terrible sickness intended to prolong their living. My sister was one of them; another lung cancer patient who continued to smoke her cigarettes, when things were spelled out as hopeless.
BUT, this one isn't hopeless and she's fighting the disease and good for her.
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Semp
GOLD STAR MEMBER
Member # 3074
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posted May 25, 2021 09:37 AM
My thoughts and prayers to Tim and his wife.
My mom died of lung cancer. It is a horrible disease.
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Always remember: That court appointed psychiatrist is not your friend.
Posts: 406 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Aug 2008
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JP
Knows what it's all about
Member # 4095
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posted May 25, 2021 01:26 PM
I don't post much here, but I feel I need to say something, just don't know what. Like Semp my mom also died of cancer. Tim, just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posts: 150 | From: So AZ | Registered: Jan 2012
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Cdog911
"There are some ideas so absurd only an intellectual could believe them."--George Orwell.
Member # 7
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posted July 01, 2021 12:40 PM
Letting bygones be bygones, I want to offer Tim all my prayers and positive thoughts as they face this fight together. On June 8, barely three weeks ago, my wife Lisa wasn't feeling well - back ache - and I helped her to bed to take a nap around 630. At 7, I went in to see if she was resting and discovered that she was in cardiac arrest. She'd had a heart attack shortly after lying down and died. I immediately moved her to the living room where I could work on her and began performing CPR while our two adult kids stood over me in abject horror. All my years of training kicked in. At no point did I freeze or hesitate in drawing upon everything I knew to do. I dialed 911 and threw my phone on the floor next to where she lay and yelled information to them as I did compressions. Within minutes, the police arrived and began helping me to do CPR. After the initial alarm, scanner land began looking up my address and word got back to the various stations about whose house it was. All they knew was that the patient was a 50-year old female. Ten minutes after my 911 call, not one but two advanced life support EMS crews and 6 paramedics, along with a squad truck and 2 engine companies worth of firefighters were in my living room. Firefighters I've known for 30 years were standing in line with tears in their eyes, waiting to do compressions or anything needed of them. In all, nearly 20 first responders came to my house when I called for help. I have never felt more humbled or overwhelemed. Nothing could be done. She had passed in her sleep.
LB, I have an entirely new respect for you and my dad after the past 24 days. I've buried a lot of loved ones, but this is easily the most brutal experience I've ever endured in my life. The blinding grief is indescribable. I've never cried so much or so hard in my life, often times without warning and wherever I might be at in the moment. My only solace is that her intense chronic pain is over and I'm trying to look at my current suffering as a blessing because it mirrors the depth of how deeply we felt for and loved one another.
Like you, I never in my wildest dreams saw our lives playing out any way but me going first. I've spent the past fifteen years positioning us, at great sacrifice, so that Lis would be financially secure when I did die, and then she surprised me by going first.
I can be going along for hours doing fine, then suddenly, like a huge wave catching me from behind, I'm crying so hard that I have to pull to the side of the road to catch my breath. Moments later, it goes away and it's like it never happened. This repeats itself multiple times each day.
This thread is about Tim and his wife, so I'll not say any more except to say, Tim, God bless you, man. Bend those knees and pray like you've never prayed before. I'll be doing so from here on your behalf. I'll be thinking of you, brother. Be strong and try to stay positive. Out of all the people in the world, you two picked one another. Nothing will ever change that. Lean into this and spend as much time together as you can.
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I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something; and, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Posts: 5438 | From: The gun-lovin', gun-friendly wild, wild west | Registered: Jan 2003
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted July 01, 2021 01:28 PM
Appreciate your thoughts and information, Lance. I'm so sorry, and you know that words are inadequate at times like this.
As far as breaking up at any time of the day or night, I'm still doing it after more than 15 years since Nanc passed away. I've tried relationships a couple times and a couple times I've had women tell me; "you're not over her." Never said I was, and never pretended otherwise and after 46 years, I can't apologize. That's why I would prefer a relationship with a widow over a divorcee, assuming that they are probably less inclined of accusing me of "Not being over her." I'm not a big time philosopher but I figure that if a person is lucky enough to have one true love, you can't really ask for more than that.
Hang in there Lance! I know what you are going through and you have all the support I can offer with the sincere thoughts and prayers for your peace and serenity. Be strong!
Good hunting. El Bee
edit: I'm sure Tim wouldn't consider anything said here as off subject and this Board has never played that game anyway. Don't worry about it.
Actually, haven't heard from Tim? I assume he is quite busy and if and when I do hear anything, I'll pass it on!
[ July 01, 2021, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Leonard ]
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted July 01, 2021 01:30 PM
Cdog, so very sorry to hear this.
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7579 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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NVWalt
Does not claim to be overly bright!
Member # 375
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posted July 01, 2021 02:06 PM
Always a hard thing to go through and I hope it all works out for the better.
That chemo is nasty stuff but if it works it works.
Cdog , sorry to hear about your wife also. Been there and I still cry on occasions and it has been like 13 years ago my wife did the same thing. Hard on a person and the grief is real. Never believed I would be here today in fact.
Thoughts and prayers to both you and Tim and his wife
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Support Communism and help destroy the United States of America ! VOTE DEMOCRAT. "In the end, they aren't coming after me. They are coming after you!" D.Trump
Posts: 636 | From: Tellico Plains, TN | Registered: Aug 2004
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Cdog911
"There are some ideas so absurd only an intellectual could believe them."--George Orwell.
Member # 7
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posted July 01, 2021 04:36 PM
Thanks guys. Much appreciated.
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I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something; and, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Posts: 5438 | From: The gun-lovin', gun-friendly wild, wild west | Registered: Jan 2003
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Semp
GOLD STAR MEMBER
Member # 3074
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posted July 06, 2021 05:57 PM
Cdog, please accept my sincere condolences. That is a terrible loss.
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Always remember: That court appointed psychiatrist is not your friend.
Posts: 406 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Aug 2008
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Lonny
PANTS ON THE GROUND
Member # 19
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posted July 09, 2021 01:42 PM
Very sorry to hear this Lance. I hope you find a way through your pain.
Sorry to hear about TA's wife too. I hope she can buck the cancer.
Leonard I can still vividly remember your post that Nancy had passed...
Positive thoughts sent to all 3 of you.
Posts: 1209 | From: Lewiston, Idaho USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted July 10, 2021 08:57 AM
Thanks, Lonny.
You know, Nancy and I were 16 and 17 when we met and it was an immediate attraction and a lifelong loving relationship with hardly a cross word between us. That loss, 15 years ago can never be healed. I've had a couple women tell me since then that I'm not over her, and I don't even try to deny it. A tragic ending to a fairytale relationship. Sad doesn't begin to convey the loss, every day.
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Lonny
PANTS ON THE GROUND
Member # 19
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posted July 10, 2021 07:55 PM
I've never experienced the pain you have gone through and what Lance is currently going through. It might sound crazy but reading stuff like this makes me really appreciate and value the time I have with my wife. Life is so precious and can be gone in an instant.
Posts: 1209 | From: Lewiston, Idaho USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted July 10, 2021 10:38 PM
Lonny, that is so true! Learn from my misfortune. Treasure your spouse or mate every day and be grateful for the time you have together. Had I only known, but I didn’t know and I have lots of regrets, things I didn’t say, stuff I didn’t do. So be good to your woman and be grateful! You people with a life partner are so lucky. Alone, with memories sucks!
Good hunting. El Bee 🐝
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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NVWalt
Does not claim to be overly bright!
Member # 375
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posted July 11, 2021 03:14 AM
Amen to that Leonard.your story sounds like mine. Small world isn't it. The wife was given 5 years to live and after 5 years everyday I always wondered if when I got home from the job I would find a dead wife. I made it a point to not work any overtime jobs or out of town jobs without her. Then in the 10th year she died right in front of me. I will never forget that and can still see it in my mind.
She and I were the only ones in both our families to never have gotten a divorce and we were the ones they said would never make it because we got married in our teens. Love does work wonders.
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Support Communism and help destroy the United States of America ! VOTE DEMOCRAT. "In the end, they aren't coming after me. They are coming after you!" D.Trump
Posts: 636 | From: Tellico Plains, TN | Registered: Aug 2004
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted July 11, 2021 07:54 AM
The day I realized "we" had a problem, I drove Nanc to the dr office and began walking when I realized she wasn't with me. I went back and looked around the other side of the truck and the enormity of the situation struck me. She was standing on the ground and our eyes made contact and there were no words, she had not said anything all morning. But there she was, somehow standing on the ground and she was still wrapped up in her seat belt. The look from her and the situation having dawned on me, it just broke my heart seeing her standing there waiting for me to help her, and confident that I would help her. That little scenario changed my whole life in an instant. I didn't know what it was but I knew it was bad.
And, this was us, exactly the same, the consensus was it would never work, but we were the last ones still together! Everybody else divorced, some more than once.
quote:
She and I were the only ones in both our families to never have gotten a divorce and we were the ones they said would never make it because we got married in our teens. Love does work wonders.
[ July 11, 2021, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: Leonard ]
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Cdog911
"There are some ideas so absurd only an intellectual could believe them."--George Orwell.
Member # 7
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posted July 12, 2021 09:35 AM
This experience has been so dreadfully educational for me. Like Leonard said, you walk away with regrets, and guilt. And despite doing everything in the moments you had together that was humanly possible, you look back knowing you could have and should have done better by them. The things you should have said, and more importantly, the things you did say, in anger or frustration or out of concern, that you shouldn't have said. No do overs. You had a life together and everything was planned out, and then, all of a sudden, it wasn't. You lose more than a wife. You lose your best friend, the person you looked forward to sharing whatever exciting or funny thing you saw every single day, your confidant with whom you could vent about your boss or your other friends or whomever and she always took your side, except when she didn't and you really needed a reality check with her being the one to make you take a good long look at yourself, you lose the only person who ever loved you and cared for you like she did, and even more, the only person that let you love them as much as you did. All of a sudden, "we" becomes "me" and every single component of your life is suddenly nothing. The first life insurance check arrived in the mail last week. More than I take home in a year. Part of me didn't want to touch it. Didn't want to look at it. All I saw was a piece of paper upon which was a number that represented the going rate for a great wife. I've never cried so much in my life and I've come to just let it happen whenever and wherever I am at the time. Something as simple as grocery shopping hurts, walking past items on the shelves that either she grabbed or that I grabbed for her during the pandemic when I shopped alone for us. You try to do laundry and you look at the bottle of fabric softener remembering that she bought it and it was her preferred brand but you can't remember why despite the fact that she told you but you weren't listening. Then you start to wonder about what else you didn't hear. I'd literally die for a good night kiss again. Just one. Never, ever forget that they picked you. Out of EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, THEY PICKED YOU. I still go to do some thing to distract me and get sidelined, then can't recall what I was doing or what I did with the tool I just had in my hand moments ago. Yet, at the same time, I'm ass deep in all the details of her estate, restructuring mine to rewrite my will, trust, DPOA, etc., to replace her name with the names of new executors and trustees, all while doing all the same work on updating my mother-in-law's paperwork, and are completely up to speed on that. Life has no rhyme or reason right now. This is really hard and it really sucks and no one whose ever experienced this knows what to say or how to act. And, I hope for those of you that describes, I hope you don't know for a really long time.
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I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something; and, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Posts: 5438 | From: The gun-lovin', gun-friendly wild, wild west | Registered: Jan 2003
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NVWalt
Does not claim to be overly bright!
Member # 375
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posted July 12, 2021 04:07 PM
Cdog Having had to wonder for years and my wife knowing all along that her day would come always told me to "Buck up and get over it . And get on with your life." Sounded pretty hard to me for a long time but she was right. She also told me to make another girl happy. So after a time realizing why some people commit suicide. And deciding a life as a monk out in the brush just wasn't why God put me here on Mother Earth. I tried dating and it was some what a very short and expensive course in being vulnerable. But in due time I did meet a girl and am happy again and I know my late wife would approve of her. So don't let the bastards get you down and time does heal but it never erases memories and loved ones.
It is a test, but I believe you will overcome it. Be strong...
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Support Communism and help destroy the United States of America ! VOTE DEMOCRAT. "In the end, they aren't coming after me. They are coming after you!" D.Trump
Posts: 636 | From: Tellico Plains, TN | Registered: Aug 2004
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted July 12, 2021 05:38 PM
Good for you, Walt! I wish I had somebody! It's impossible to replace her, but I do not like being alone so I'm willing to overlook a few faults. My biggest surprise was that women actually have flaws! If Nanc did, I was never aware? Also, I told people that I wasn't going to build a monument or become a Monk, but I guess I sort of have? If I do find someone, great, but I've more or less stopped looking since my girlfriend died. I feel guilty that that loss affected me every bit a hard as Nancy dying. 46 years versus about 5 doesn't seem equal but it's hard, no matter how long you are together and we weren't married, neither of us needed that and she was a widow also, so it didn't matter. Anyway.... I miss her a lot!
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31459 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Lonny
PANTS ON THE GROUND
Member # 19
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posted July 12, 2021 08:42 PM
Dang Lance that really paints a picture of what you're going through... So very sorry.
Leonard your advice is taken to heart! It's so easy to get caught up in daily life and take my wife for granted. For granted, I mean that she will always be here.
Posts: 1209 | From: Lewiston, Idaho USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Wiley E
Knows what it's all about
Member # 108
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posted July 15, 2021 07:15 AM
Lance,
I am so sorry to hear you lost your wife and the hurt you are going through as a result.
I can only relate through the loss of my dear nephew to suicide, who I taught to trap muskrats, and the loss of a dear uncle. Both losses impacted my life greatly and the losses changed me hopefully to the better in some ways.
The only advice I can give that can help someone deal with the pain of such a devastating loss, is to help others who are going through the same thing. There is healing in helping others who are going through what you are going through.
I don't think a person ever gets over the grief but time is a gentle healer in helping a person deal with the grief.
The other thing I have done to help myself during those difficult times is to exert myself physically. You wouldn't know that to look at me now but during those difficult times I would exercise vigorously and it helped me to deal with the hurt of losing someone I loved so much.
These losses changed me by helping me to be more sensitive to others who were going through something similar. It helped me to realize how important it was to have friends and family who were there for me during those difficult times. Those realizations were the few good things that I could take away from an otherwise difficult experience.
When you look at your children and help them through this difficult time, you will see that the best part of your marriage is still with you in those children. The pain of the loss is balanced by the love of those kids.
Get through the next minute, then the next hour, then the next day and eventually you will become stronger in dealing with the hurt and the shear weight of it all.
Leonard and Lance,
I think there is great wisdom in the quote, "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all".
Tim,
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Scott Huber
[ July 15, 2021, 07:21 AM: Message edited by: Wiley E ]
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