This is topic Looking for some advice in forum Member forum at The New Huntmastersbbs!.
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Posted by DanS (Member # 316) on July 20, 2014, 08:24 AM:
Mom is 80 and has health issues. I took her to the Emergency room, after a week they released her from intensive care but yesterday, I had to put her in a home of sorts, for rehab and to administer all the medical stuff she still needs. Looks like medicare will cover the first 20 days, then after that, I'm not sure, I think 50%, but don't know how long.
Anyone here have to deal with anything like this? This is a first for me, and I am freaking clueless. I'd like to bring her home with me, but that isn't possible yet, because of her medical needs and now slight dementia.
Posted by Lone Howl (Member # 29) on July 20, 2014, 09:55 AM:
Dan, I have dealt with this for the last 4 years with my grandmother, who had alzheimers and recently passed.
The wife and I took care of her for the most part. Long story short. moved her into a "rehab" (which is PC for old folks home) after a nasty fall she took one night per hospital docs reccomendation. You are correct, they take care of costs for 20 days, then medicare kicks in at about 50 percent, but I don't remember for how long. If you/she does not have long term care insurance, someone has to come up with the cash. In my case was about 4500 bucks a month...no shit.
We figured it out and she spent a year in there before she passed away.
Another alternative is looking into some kind of home care either part time or full time.
Either way you have to come up with a way to pay and it's a bitch for sure.
Not a lot of help I know,but hopefully at least a small "heads up" of sorts.
Mark
[ July 20, 2014, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: Lone Howl ]
Posted by Prune Picker (Member # 4107) on July 20, 2014, 10:35 AM:
Dan, not my mother but one of my most favorite persons has similar health issues. Maybe Missouri has their version of Okla's "Sooner Care", they (usually an assigned nurse)comes by her home 3 times or more per week to check her vitals, makes sure her meds are in order, hooks her up to a monitor that a Doctor reviews. The nurse usually spends 1-3 hours, helps bathe her, pays attention to her eating habits etc. Overall a very helpful and trustworthy option. Best of wishes to your family on a tough decision.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on July 20, 2014, 10:37 AM:
I wish my wife was here to explain the ordeal she went through with her mother.
Florence lived with her youngest son in her long ago paid off house. Nanc used to bring her over here about once a month for several days. One day, while driving her back home, she noticed that her mother was making grunting sounds and pooping on the seat, right beside her.
Talk about a wake up call! Now, with damned little help from her three brothers, she embarked on a plan. The younger son was disabled and that meant he was entitled to live in that house forever but momma needed to divest of all her assets, a modest savings account in the $10,000 range, sell the car she didn't drive any more, and assign her social security, (from her husband) and her pension from the school district to the state of Kalifornia, leaving her with $30 bucks a month for toothpaste, but they made a pauper out of this woman so that she could be admitted to a nursing home....which is another story.
But, here's the thing. All those nursing homes are full of Hispanics that pay nothing for their care because they also are indigent, but didn't have to liquidate every thing they owned to get in there, mainly because they had nothing to begin with.
See, the staff in these institutions are primarily Hispanic and take very good care of the latin people that were getting a free ride because they could talk to them and ask for stuff, etc. Poor Florence did not speak because of her condition and consequently, she was ignored, they didn't dress her, left her in bed day and night and after several years of neglect, she developed an infected bedsore at the base of her spine and died of it.
Nanc would visit religiously, and have the staff get her up but the next day it was back in bed until the next week, except when she popped in unexpectedly, but this was wearing on my wife and making her very bitter about the nursing home industry in general. In fact, Flo was in three different institutions, they all seemed to suffer the same abuses of the patients. Then there is the rape and the beatings by the combative patients. Nanc found her mother's clothes on just about everybody except her mother who was usually dressed in those hospital gowns, with a couple ties in the back.
Very few of these people have visitors, Nanc had one brother who NEVER went to see his mother and two others that were out of state and showed up occasionally. So, it was just Nanc, for seven years, and she tried.
Two things. First, pray to God that you have a daughter that will help care for you when it's needed. Nanc would talk to her brothers, explain things in excruciating detail and ask for advice, what to do? Brothers would listen quietly, shrug their shoulders and then tell her: "Whatever you think is best." which was no help at all, so she carried the whole burden, and interestingly, usually told me to butt out with my advice. (in as nice a way as possible)
So, when the time comes, I hope I get hit by a truck crossing the street rather than being incarcerated in a nursing home. I have seen it, first hand. It's not pretty.
Good hunting. El Bee
Posted by Lone Howl (Member # 29) on July 20, 2014, 11:45 AM:
Wow Leonard....what you just described is exactly what we went thru, in regards to nursing home. A vile place to me, and I feel the same as you..knowing what I know now, I hope I drop dead or otherwise die quickly, and that's a fact.
Mark
Posted by R.Shaw (Member # 73) on July 20, 2014, 04:38 PM:
My mom suffered from alheimers and she didn't even recognize me for the last year and a half. Dad took care of her until it became too much and we put her in a nursing home.
Like Leonard said, they intended to make a pauper out of her and my dad too. All the paperwork was being processed when we received word she had gotten into a fight with a man at the home which resulted in him with a broken nose and my mom with a broken leg. The home asked us to find a different place for her.
After the surgery, we found a home that specialized in alzheimer patients and she was there less than a week before she died. In a way it was a blessing. My dad died a month later from pure exhaustion because of the care he had given her. That was not a blessing.
I never want to be a burden to my family in that respect and have given orders to never let that happen.
Posted by booger (Member # 3602) on July 21, 2014, 05:17 AM:
Dan,
Unfortunately, my wife and I have had first-hand experience with this for the last 3+ years. My mother in law went into a skilled facility in2011, and just passed last September. My father in law has been in an assisted living facility for the past 2 years. When my MIL was alive, this was draining their funds to the tune of about $8,500 per month.
I am a licensed insurance agent as well as a banker, and fortunately had sold her a LTC policy years ago which helped with about half of her expense.
The average stay for the average nursing home patient is a touch over 3 years. My MIL lasted about 30 months.
The facility where my MIL was located was at the local hospital in Russell, KS. They turned one of the floors into a skilled nursing home, and it worked great. Very clean, well run, and nothing like the ‘nursing home’ smell or any of the standard issues with nursing homes of old.
With that said, it still took a lot of time as my wife stayed on top of the care she was receiving. We made at least one trip a week to get her laundry and check on her.
My father in law is in a nice facility, but with assisted living, one has to be careful as the nursing staff is not as attentive as a nursing home—hence the name ‘assisted’. Once again, we stay on top of my FIL’s condition, as the current staff missed a bronchial infection that almost cost him his life about 18 months ago.
We have been blessed to have/had both of them at really good facilities, but a person still needs to take an active role in watching over them.
I feel for LB’s MIL, as that is just horrible. The other thing a person needs to do is raise holy hell if they find their loved one not getting the care they should. We had an issue with the skilled facility not wanting to allow us to get the Hospice agency we wanted when my MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We eventually had to get the State of Kansas involved, and they changed their tune quickly.
All in all, it is a painful process to go through. My FIL can’t breathe, hear or see, but his mind is 100% yet, which makes it all the more difficult to see him go downhill each week.
We both wish he would go to sleep and not wake up.
There is something to be said about being hit by a truck when it’s your time.
[ July 21, 2014, 05:20 AM: Message edited by: booger ]
Posted by knockemdown (Member # 3588) on July 21, 2014, 05:58 AM:
I can empathize.
When the time came, my family came together and took care of my Gramma for the last 9 years of her life. Macular degeneration had taken her eyesight away, and a fall broke a hip & took her mobility. After that, Gramma was full-time job and we all helped out. Bed-ridden & blind, but with a mind as sharp as a tack...no way to live out the golden years.
What a emotional toll that was, heaped mainly upon my Mother and Uncle, who selflessly cared 24/7/365 hand & foot, for all those years. We all did what we could, but they both bore the brunt of the emotional burden, seeing their Mommy fade away. Mercy finally took Gramma, a month shy of her 100th birthday.
I'm with you, Randy. Will not put that burden on my family...
Posted by DanS (Member # 316) on July 21, 2014, 12:33 PM:
I think everyone left in our family has a do no resuscitate, and no life support orders. I sure as hell don't want to be a burden.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on July 21, 2014, 12:44 PM:
Yeah, well that do not resuscitate stuff, we had that dawn on us in a rather rude manor. Sure, it sounds real good, on paper but the staff will ignore something where a simple intervention could be lifesaving. For instance, chocking on food, the caregivers can just as easily actually sit there and watch someone choke to death.
When Florence damned near died, except for Nanc being there, she demanded answers and they kept referring to the DNR directive. Nanc asked/demanded it and tore it up in front of their faces, saying they didn't deserve that responsibility!
Hit by a truck. Works for me!
Good hunting. El Bee
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