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Author
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Topic: Finally, some good news for me
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Cdog911
"There are some ideas so absurd only an intellectual could believe them."--George Orwell.
Member # 7
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posted October 19, 2021 05:48 PM
The hostage crisis is over!
This summer has been the worst of my life. I can't imagine anything being worse than losing Lisa in June. Life still sucks and not a day goes by that I'm not overwhelmed with emotion about how life as I knew it was taken from me. Three weeks before Lisa passed, I'd applied for federal disability due to the irreparable damage to my knees and feet from over two decades of donkeying mail. I thought this job would be easy compared to the demands of my work in EMS and the fire service. Damn, was I wrong. I've seen young marines quit the job I had because of the physical demands. And that was before the evil that is Amazon. Record numbers of employees are bailing from USPS due to the extra burden of delivering every goddamned customer's groceries, dog food, kitty litter, car parts, toilet paper. The list is endless and the system that has served the American people for over 200 years has been bent to the point of breaking, if not beyond. I am a casualty of the Covid Wars, having completely destroyed both knees, both feet, and many of the discs in my back and neck, not to mention a raging case of multi-joint arthritis. Hurt all over, all the time.
Despite having a highly regarded attorney that cost me a pretty penny, the good folks in our human resources department (Office of Personnel Management, or OPM) managed to make the entire process as fucked up as a football bat. Lisa dying and me needing to amend a half-dozen forms in the middle of things didn't help. Still don't know if the amended documents made it into the final application packet.
Long story less long, I ultimately ended up requesting and receiving help from one of my US Senator's staff (Sen. Jerry Moran) and the staff of my national union headquarters who began lighting fires, rattling cages and running multiple emails and calls from one end of OPM's chain of command to the otheron my behalf. They quickly learned that I was pissed and impatient.
Quite suddenly and unexpectedly - almost six months into what was supposed to be a 3-month "Emergency Disability Process"- I went to work this morning just like any other day, walking thru the loading dock doors muttering, "fucking post office" under my breath. I went to the coffee maker and brewed myself a double cup of Joe, then I went to the carts where the delivery point sequenced letters are organized by route. Pulled down the middle tray for the route where I live in like I'd done every morning for the past four months and began fingering through the bajillion-plus letters there to find the mail for my house. There was one letter. Just one. From OPM.
All I could do was look at it. Numbly. Almost scared to open it, fully expecting a denial since my postmaster hadn't received an email telling him I was done.
"Your application for Federal Employee Retirement System Disability (FERS) has been approved."
I looked up and my supervisor and PM were across the room looking at me. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open.
"It's here" is all I could say as I handed it to my boss. "I'm done."
Yes! I have been approved for disability. I'm happily handicapped now. No more 10-mile days on throbbing knees. No more "my dog won't bite" bullshit. No more fucking Amazon boxes.
My supervisor asked me if I wanted to have a going away party. She would gladly make me a cake. I only looked at her and repeated what I'd said three months ago when she first asked me the same question.
"When I started this process, Lisa and I talked about being able to do something special, finally. She's dead. Every plan I had for the future died with her. There's nothing about my life right now that's worth celebrating and I just don't know that a goddamned cake is gonna make any of that better."
I walked away, grabbed my coffee cup and my rain gear from a tub under my desk, told them I'd be in tomorrow to clean out my locker and desk, and left. Held it together until I got to my truck, then a shitload of frustration and pain came pouring out of every pore and orifice as I sat there for a half-hour balling like a baby, I'm not ashamed to admit.
I can sleep in tomorrow. No getting up too damned early after being woke up six times thru the night because of the pain in my legs. I'll get up when I'm good and Goddamned ready for now.
My paycheck is gonna drop like a rock in a couple months when I've burned thru my accrued sick leave, but I'm going to spend from now until February trying to put my life back together,spending time with my kids and maybe, come spring, after talking to my accountant and determining how much I can make without taxes eating me alive, find a new career that involves a desk.
I always saw my future retirement as being more pleasant than this. Shit happens and I'll do what I can to make the best of it.
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I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something; and, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Posts: 5438 | From: The gun-lovin', gun-friendly wild, wild west | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted October 19, 2021 06:53 PM
Good to hear that the light at the end of the tunnel is something besides an oncoming train !!!
FWIW; I'm semi-retired and there's not a week that goes by that I don't wonder how I ever had time to work full time. As I recall, you have some talent as a writer and taxidermist. Pretty sure that you will do well...... if you don't let the couch monster get you.
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7577 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted October 19, 2021 09:12 PM
Lance, if anyone might have an inkling of what you are dealing with, I guess it could be me. I also had that double wammy of retirement and losing a spouse of 44 years.
Just take it easy. If you can? I still do a little weeping at the oddest moments. I sure consider a lot of stuff I could have done for her but I was too self centered.
The part about females is interesting because I found out that they have flaws. The problem is that Nanc didn’t have any, and I’ve been told more than once that I’m not over her. I sure as hell hope not!
Just take it easy, no rush….ya know?
Good hunting. El Bee 🐝
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31451 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted October 20, 2021 07:57 AM
Just browsing and scanned that word from ko ko.
SEMI RETIRED? What the hell is that? I thought you quit greeter and then drove a forklift in the warehouse and then retired! Did they induce you out of retirement with wads of cash? Or, buckets of ammo?
You are another one that needs more frequent updates!
Good hunting. El Bee
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31451 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Cdog911
"There are some ideas so absurd only an intellectual could believe them."--George Orwell.
Member # 7
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posted October 20, 2021 03:44 PM
I stopped doing taxidermy when my son's problems began consuming our family's lives. In true "Lance fashion", according to those who know me best, I processed that problem by researching and drafting a proposal to revamp the entire way that the state of Kansas deals with criminal drug addiction. I've shared that before. What I haven't shared is that I successfully passed a bill (unanimously) through the Kansas legislature last session that undoes every flaw in the past system preparing the way to add in the various details of my proposal starting with the new session in January. One sheriff in Kansas chose not to wait. My local friend who is also now our sheriff told me that this other sheriff had implemented a kissing cousin version of my idea in his jail that, at that time, had already produced a 65% reduction in recidivism in those who'd been through the program. 27% of the people that were in their jail in the program at that time had gotten arrested on purpose because they'd heard that they could get effective treatment that they otherwise cannot afford. Our sheriff had just cleared $168,000k in drug proceeds from a carload of drugs they stopped on the interstate and he was earmarking that money to launch my program in our new jail which I also played a part in getting approved by voters.
The whole idea of taxidermy gives me the shits. I just don't know if I wanna do that anymore. Then again, I'm in a weird place right now where I really just don't wanna do anything in general, not even clean my house.
The book thing is ongoing. Literally just took a break from Chapter 36 on the fiction piece I'm doing. I've got a half-dozen "reviewers" reading it as it goes and they are all over the moon about how good it is. Must be, because several of them would have honestly told me to pack sand already if it wasn't. The hard part is coming where one of the main characters loses his wife and kids in a violent attack. This has been part of the story line for the entire 5 years of the project and it has to happen, except that I don't know if I'm ready to explore another man's blinding grief when his actions get his wife and family burned alive. My close friends remind me of two things often: First, researching and exploring this issue is how I've always processed things, and they think it'll be therapeutic for me. and Second, they say that based upon what they've read, if anyone can bend the words and convey emotion thru verbal imagery, I'm the guy. We'll see.
I can say this, and LB can appreciate this. Since Lis's death, my mind has been gone. Constant flurry of unfinished thoughts, none of which are related to one another. Head full of static. Widow's brain.I'm often taken back to when Gerry's first wife was sick and died and how I could tell in his writing that something was going on. But, I'll tell you this.... When I sit down with my laptop and a cigar and start typing, the story just takes over my mind. Everything just falls into order and I escape the extraneous bullshit that is my life. My wife was a voracious reader and she'd told me many times that she would wait until it was done to read it front to back. The last ten chapters have just flowed out like stream of conscious and it almost feels like she's a part of this, too. Maybe that sounds crazy, but it's just "different" now.
Anyway, I slept in this morning and deleted all the alarms on my phone. Might even go out and kill a coyote tomorrow morning. I sure won't be caping any deer. LOL
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I am only one. But still, I am one. I cannot do everything, but still, I can do something; and, because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.
Posts: 5438 | From: The gun-lovin', gun-friendly wild, wild west | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted October 20, 2021 08:05 PM
Yup .......... Semi-retired. I work two nights a week. First night's my Monday & the second one's my Friday. Pays for toys that I don't need and road trips that I do. Got an archery tournament this week-end to go to.
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7577 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted October 21, 2021 11:02 AM
Well, if any of those contests are on my side of the river, I'd appreciate, a drop in!
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31451 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted October 21, 2021 11:57 AM
Will do !!
Next Calif. shoot will likely be in May but ya never know if something to good to pass up will pop up.
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7577 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted October 21, 2021 01:57 PM
Yeah, well next time maybe I can buy you lunch instead of just a cup of coffee?
PS Finally priced all the factory handgun ammo that I have on hand. $3,800 and then I have about 600 rounds of handloads, 357, 45auto and 40S&W. I have many hundreds of 9mm brass but still contemplating if I need it and for what purpose. Since the majority of factory ammo I have in 9mm is FMJ, if I reload all these cases it will most likely be a stout load with HP bullets, most likely something I can't get from "the store". I need to stop screwing around, I have plenty.
[ October 21, 2021, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Leonard ]
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31451 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Kokopelli
SENIOR DISCOUNT & Dispenser of Sage Advice
Member # 633
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posted October 21, 2021 02:32 PM
ANYTHING WORTH DOING ....... IS WORTH OVER DOING !!!
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
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And lo, the Light of the Trump shown upon the Darkness and the Darkness could not comprehend it.
Posts: 7577 | From: Under a wandering star | Registered: Apr 2005
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