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Author
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Topic: Taking a dump
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Melvin
Knows what it's all about
Member # 634
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posted June 03, 2006 04:41 PM
Things has been a little slow around here,so i thought i would give you guys a little chuckle.
Now bear with me,i'm going to try to tell it exactly how it happened. First off,i live in south western pa. and love hunting our northern counties for squirrel and turkeys. Anyhow a bunch of us decided to go up and hunt turkeys."This was the fall turkey season." It took us about 6 hours of driving to get there and i never had the urdge to go to the bathroom.After we got there,we all split up and hunted in different directions. I walked for a ways and noticed the woods was wide open"no cover at all"it was almost like a park. Well i figured i would sneek across this open timber untill i would come to a more turkey looking place. All of a sudden the urdge hit me all at once! WOW,i figured i better find me a place and fast or i'm going to be carrying a load in my drawers. I looked in every direction for something to conceal me,NOTHING!. All i could see was wide open timber. I thought if i don't find something soon,it's GONNA HAPPEN!.Then i spotted some grapevines comming down along side of one tree. Believe me it didn't take me all day to get there! I put the shotgun against the tree and unbuckled my belt and layed the 357 magnum i was carring on the ground,"now all this took me about 3 seconds. "I jerked my pants down,AND BAROOOM POP POP BAROOOM. GOOD GOLLY what a RELIEF!! I turned my head to the left and what i seen was amazing. There set a guy,beside the same tree,looking at me with eyes wide open and big as 50 cent peices. This poor fella was in total shock. I looked him in those big open eyes and said,aint this a heck of a place to take a dump. The poor fella was in to much shock to speak .I don't know if those two sonic blasts had anything to do with it or not. Well i raise up and put my 357 back on ,picked up the shotgun and walked away,left him sitting there with my huge mound.I walked about 75 yards and looked back and seen him walking away with his head down,something like a man would look when his wife left him. Why this man never spoke up,i will never know. I will never forget those huge eyes and expression on his face.
[ June 03, 2006, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: Melvin ]
Posts: 661 | From: PA. | Registered: Apr 2005
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Melvin
Knows what it's all about
Member # 634
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posted June 03, 2006 05:02 PM
I know things like this happened to some of you,sooo,lets hear it.
Posts: 661 | From: PA. | Registered: Apr 2005
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Rich Higgins
unknown comic
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posted June 03, 2006 08:05 PM
DDDDDDDamn!! That made me hurt myself. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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The Outdoor Tripp
Knows what it's all about
Member # 619
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posted June 03, 2006 08:10 PM
Let's hope your neighbor played the wind right.
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The Outdoor Tripp
www.theoutdoortripp.com
"All great truths begin as blasphemies."
Posts: 805 | From: Texas | Registered: Mar 2005
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TA17Rem
Hello, I'm the legendary Tim Anderson, Field Marshall, Southern Minneesota Sector
Member # 794
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posted June 03, 2006 08:28 PM
That was a good one Melvin. LOL
A few years back, i spotted this nice eight pt. buck running across a open field headed for a creek that i had permission to hunt along. So i sat back and watched the deer to see if he would bed down by the creek in the willows. As i was watching the deer i noticed a hunter on the north side of creek. i grabbed the spotting scope to take a better look. It turns out to be another deer hunter with his pants down and he appeared to be takeing a dump. I could see his pistol laying on a dead tree next to him. I went back to the deer and could see the deer was headed right for him, a few seconds later the deer was right in front of him, the deer stops, stomps its front hooves and takes off. I seen the hunter reach for his pistol and he stands up to take a shot and looses his balance and falls to the ground. He should of pulled up his pants. Anyway he gets his gear gathered up and heads for the road. I drove up to him and asked if he got a deer, knowing that he did'nt. He said no and he was going to call it a day. As i was driveing off i looked in side view mirror and saw his back side, oooh it was'nt a pretty site, especialy on orange. As i drove off i keep woundering if he knew it was there. LOL's
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What if I told you, the left wing and right wing both belong to same bird!
Posts: 5064 | From: S.D. | Registered: Jan 2006
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Raven
Knows what it's all about
Member # 204
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posted June 03, 2006 09:12 PM
Ok Those were funny!
I wasn't hunting, but I was driving to somewhere one day and I wasn't feeling all to well. I see a gas station so I pull in. I ask to use the bathroom and the woman behind the counter tells me it's for employees only. Not wanting to tell her the real scoop, I say "But it's an emergency I'm going to be sick. She says well you can go out side or I can give you a plastic bag. (Some consideration for a fellow humanbeing huh?) So I cock her a look and say, "Look lady, you got two choices. 1. I pull down my pants right here and take a (you know what) or 2. You let me use your bathroom! Well her eyes got as big as saucers and she just pointed to where the bathroom was. HHhhhmmmm wonder why she didn't choose the first option? When I came out she said she was sorry, but it was company policy! I told her to tell her boss that their company policy was a load of (You know what) and walked out!
See girls have their moments too! LOL
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A steak is a terrible thing to waste!
Posts: 38 | From: Killeen TX | Registered: Jun 2003
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Crow Woman
Knows what it's all about
Member # 157
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posted June 04, 2006 03:21 AM
Ok... the completed pieces of the first coyote I ever shot. They had just dropped me off on one hill, I was feeling the urge very badly. I dropped my pants and let it all flow, more like burst out. The shooting started over on their hill, I hurried to pull my clothes back on and see what they were shooting at. I quickly ran over the hump and pulled up and shot my first coyote.
Get back down off the hill with my coyote and all the neighbors are coming out of the woodwork saying they saw the whole thing ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) I thought to myself, I wonder just HOW much of the whole thing they really did see??? It wasn't long after that, that an outhouse was being constructed up there ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
As Paul Harvey sayd... and now you know the rest of the story!
[ June 04, 2006, 03:23 AM: Message edited by: Crow Woman ]
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Sheri L Baity
Lord, Please give me peace, because if you give me strength, I might beat someone to death!
Posts: 687 | From: Covington | Registered: Mar 2003
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Locohead
World Famous Smoke Dancer
Member # 15
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posted June 04, 2006 03:18 PM
Melvin,
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I've had a major crummy day so far today. I've been outside painting on my house on a Sunday and I've found super mucho other problems in the process. I've been in a major slump today until now.
You have managed to single handedly change my mood for the better. I think a chuckle or even an out loud laugh wouldn't of done it. But that full blast 12 rounds of laughter did it!!!
Thanks again!!! ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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I love my critters and chick!!!! :)
Posts: 2219 | From: CO | Registered: Jan 2003
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varmit hunter
Knows what it's all about
Member # 37
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posted June 04, 2006 03:30 PM
Melvin, You are dammed lucky that big eyed fellow wasn't me. About the time you got into position I would have empted that shotgun straight up in the air. Two weeks later there would have been a dark green streak in that grass a quarter mile long.
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Make them pay for the wind.
Posts: 932 | From: Orange,TX | Registered: Jan 2003
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Locohead
World Famous Smoke Dancer
Member # 15
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posted June 04, 2006 03:41 PM
lol
Dark Green, Varmit? Could indicate blood. Go see your doctor right away! lol
[ June 04, 2006, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: Locohead ]
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I love my critters and chick!!!! :)
Posts: 2219 | From: CO | Registered: Jan 2003
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Andy L
HI, I'M THE NEW MODERATOR OF THE CENTRAL MISSOURI FORUM, PULL MY FINGER!
Member # 642
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posted June 04, 2006 10:00 PM
What a topic... LOL
I got one, on a buddy.
My friend has a trailer on the Osage River. We used to go down there, he still does, almost every weekend and go fishing. There was usually alot of fish frying going on in the evenings, and in those days, alot of vodka drinking.
One morning we got up to go fishing and both had a gut full of fish and vodka from the night before. It was foggy as hell and we didnt want to run anywhere, as the river is shallow and even though he has a jet boat, you can still mess up bad. So, we idled to a bridge about a half mile down from the ramp and tied to a log under the bridge to crappie fish til the fog lifted. My buddy felt the deep burning pain and started making a big deal out of it. Dropped his drawers and hung his ass over the side of the boat and it made some awful noises as he proceeded to chum the river really well. And, the noises echoed really well under the bridge. During and after we were rolling and laughing about the sounds.
About ten minutes after his show, the pea soup fog lifted and exposed another boat, containing an older couple, about 15' from us, tied to the other end of the log. The look on her face was priceless and my buddy couldnt cut the rope quick enough.
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Andy
Posts: 2645 | From: Central Missouri | Registered: Apr 2005
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Okanagan
Budding Spin Doctor
Member # 870
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posted June 11, 2006 05:04 PM
Melvin, that was worth the trip over here!
Elk hunting one dawn on a dry ridge where we glassed a big valley, I got the urge. I walked off into the low sage just over the curve of the hill and did the quick squat. Within seconds I noticed a muffled but strong buzzing, almost a rumble sound. I could swear it was coming from under my right foot, and then I could actually feel miniscule bumps and touches on the bottom of the light boot. My boot was covering the entrance hole for a hornet’s nest in the ground.
Hmmm… I did some careful planning and didn’t move my foot at all during the finish and clean up phase, not wanting a cave-in of dirt to open a hole the hornets could get out. When totally ready to run for my life, I twisted my right boot on take off to try to fill the hole with dirt or at least put some dust in their eyes. I sprinted for the horizon. My son saw me coming at a dead run and got his laugh for the morning as I explained. My stomp and run worked. No stings.
[ June 11, 2006, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Okanagan ]
Posts: 269 | From: 49th Parrallel | Registered: Jun 2006
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Leonard
HMFIC
Member # 2
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posted June 11, 2006 05:28 PM
Seems like I have told my story, once or twice on the Internet, but might be worth a retelling?
I was with a couple of friends that hunted burro deer one year along the Colorado river, south of Blythe. I made a big deal of the Kleenex packets that I brought along, making sure they all carried one or two for emergencies. That first evening, I came back missing one sleeve on my tee shirt. Seems that I was the one that forgot a packet....just in case.
The next evening, I couldn't believe that I forgot the Kleenex AGAIN! No sleeves on my tee shirt. No change of clothes, either. Without a shower and hot August days, why bother changing clothes?
So, on the third day, I will never understand how it happened, but I forgot a packet of Kleenex, for the third time, in a row! I walked back to camp after dark, talking about how I saw three bucks very late that afternoon, while I had my pants down. Then, somebody noticed that I wasn't wearing a tee shirt under my BVD day desert camo. Yup, forgot that tissue for the third day in a row. A better question: why won't I ever learn to prop my rife against a tree and keep it within easy reach?
I almost tripped over a lady squatting in the sagebrush fairly close to a trout stream. I could have done without that; number 2, for sure. Guess who was more embarassed?
Good hunting. LB
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EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All.
Don't piss me off!
Posts: 31462 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003
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tawnoper
Knows what it's all about
Member # 497
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posted June 11, 2006 06:41 PM
Nice topic...
O.K. I have one of "those" stories.
A friend and I were out Coyote hunting one afternoon. We walked out a couple hundred yards from the truck to make a stand. About five minutes into the stand I feel a rumbling below and knew this stand was over for me. We must of eaten something bad because about the same time my friend stands and asks if I had any tp. Luckly for me I had stuffed some napkins from the local eatery into my jacket pocket so I was set but I let him know I didnt have enough for us both . He got a little pissed and took off running to the truck to grab some tp and take care of business. A month or so after the trip I took the film from our trip in to get developed. As I was checking out our hero shots I come across a couple nice glossy's of his "mound", real nice...these pictures got the gag reflex going. I guess he decided to grab my tp and camera.
Hope he wasn't holding the camera the whole time.
Posts: 53 | From: socal | Registered: Jan 2005
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