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Posted by The Outdoor Tripp (Member # 619) on July 29, 2007, 06:59 PM:
Casting Doubt
The commercial grabbed me like a vice – it was too good to be true. My whole life I’ve pined for such a breakthrough in technology. Move over time machine, money tree and the gun that can’t miss, the "Fish Pen, The world’s smallest fishing pole," is here!
To be honest, I’ve seen sturdier looking dry cleaning hangers.
For just two easy payments of $19.99 plus $8.99 shipping, this telescopic 3-foot wonder collapses to resemble a ballpoint pen and neatly "fit in your pocket to go fishing anytime, anywhere." Miraculous indeed. Coleman, powerhouse manufacturer of quality outdoor gear, has teamed with world-renown marketing giant Telebrands to bring us this long-awaited Godsend.
Wait! Included with the pocket-sized pole is a brass "finished" reel, line, three hooks, three weights and a bobber, all packed into a "$20.00 value carrying case" – which looks like it just might fit in… a tackle box.
Unbelievable! All this for only $48.97. But hold on! For an $8.99 additional shipping charge you’ll receive a second Fish Pen absolutely "free!" Generous, yes, but why would anyone need two Fish Pens? One for each pocket? Spare parts? To take a friend fishing and not be the only one laughed at?
“The durable Fish Pen is made of super strong composite material.” Last time I checked so was horseradish sauce. Durable? Yes, of course. That’s why it’s backed by a stout 30-day warranty. Have no fear! If your Fish Pen breaks, simply return it with $7.99 and a letter of explanation and in 6 to 8 weeks you’ll receive a "free" replacement! With friends like this…
In a surprising glimpse of honesty, the Fish Pen website does state the rod is not intended for use with fish over two pounds. Like you’d have any control over that – unless you fish goldfish ponds, aquariums and bait tanks. Shoots down "fish anytime, anywhere" if you ask me.
The commercial prattles on, showing happy fishermen busting off precision 9-foot casts and scads of smiling kids fishing up a storm. Let’s see if kids smile when the mail arrives and they realize they’ve been fleeced out of a month’s allowance for a durable composite piece of trash.
A mother standing with her son happily states: "Now I can take him fishing whenever he likes." And I thought free time or water might be the deciding factor. I’m betting dad wasn’t involved in this purchase decision.
One shaggy boy then holds up a wiggling fish so small I wonder if it’s his catch or his bait. He proclaims: "I always catch fish with my Fish Pen!" I can’t help but think he’d have been better off investing $48.97 in a haircut or acting lessons. One thing’s for sure – he’s lucky the fish didn’t weigh two pounds.
Maybe I’m being too harsh on the Fish Pen. It’s true I couldn’t muster up the stupidity to actually buy one and give it a try. Besides, the penknife and penlight both turned out fine, and Ginsu knives and the Clapper have certainly made the world a better place.
Don’t take my word for it. Turn on a TV or visit www.fishpen.com and judge the Yugo of the fishing world for yourself. Just hold on to your wallet – you’ll laugh so hard it may fall out of your pocket.
Tripp Holmgrain is an avid outdoorsman with a new respect for Ron Popeil. Email him at tripp@theoutdoortripp.com. Tripp that is, not Ron.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on July 29, 2007, 07:13 PM:
Sounds like a great stocking stuffer? Did they mention that it also slices and dices?
Posted by Tim Behle (Member # 209) on July 29, 2007, 08:55 PM:
Is Billy Mays selling that crap too?
I'm getting to the point that I cringe everytime I hear his voice.
Posted by Kokopelli (Member # 633) on July 29, 2007, 09:28 PM:
The folks over at 'The Pocket Fisherman' must be doing backflips now that their's isn't the crappiest product on the market anymore.
I can remember when the Zebco 33 Combo was pretty much the low end of the scale but at least you could catch fish with it.
Posted by TRnCO (Member # 690) on July 30, 2007, 04:50 PM:
I'm sure we all could name a few items that make us laugh because we know better. Like the deer view mirror, or gumaflauge, or the spin-tite turbine target tips. Last I checked, the vanes/fletchings did the steering/stabilizing of an arrow! BUT with some marketing, they all find their way into some saps list of "must haves", either that or people buy more gag gifts than I give them credit for.
Posted by smithers (Member # 646) on July 30, 2007, 05:34 PM:
Holy Cripes, TR! No kidding honest to God, my neighbor bought some of those tips today! He's all geeked. "Wanna try 'em?" Uh, no.
Those tiny "foils" look like they are doing a lot. Especially when he's using Quik-Spin Vanes. How much faster do they need to spin? Law of Diminishing Returns?
Being a self-professed bow geek I have tried a couple gimmicks in my day but those would never see a dime of mine.
But that Fish Pen! Gotta get me one of those! Gerald Swindle is bound to be using one of them on tour any day.
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on July 30, 2007, 06:14 PM:
Way to go Tripp. Freebies in search of a free endorsement shot all to hell. ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
You don't know much about being a celebrity, do you? ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Alright, I went and looked at the site. When he started listing off al the places you could carry your fish pen, I kinda got all caught up and added one. You know, your pocket, backpack, something, and something... and your rectum, since after you use it, you'll probably wanna shove it up somebody's arss. LOL
I'll wait and pick one up on Ebay.
(So much for my freeby.)
[ July 30, 2007, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: Cdog911 ]
Posted by The Outdoor Tripp (Member # 619) on July 30, 2007, 09:36 PM:
Lighten up Lance.
I'll send you some hangers.
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