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Author Topic: just one more Texas joke, please? Leonard HMFIC Member # 2 posted December 08, 2005 11:26 AM                       Six hunters from Texas got a pilot to fly them to Maine to hunt moose. They bagged six altogether. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only four moose. Bubba and Earl objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same type of plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreck Bubba asked Earl, "Any idea where we are? "Yeah, I think we's pretty close to where we crashed last year." -------------------- EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All. Don't piss me off! Posts: 32370 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged scruffy Knows what it's all about Member # 725 posted December 08, 2005 12:44 PM                   That's a good one Leonard!!! But why stop at one joke? later, scruffy -------------------- Git R Done Posts: 361 | From: south central Iowa | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged Clint Knows what it's all about Member # 346 posted December 08, 2005 02:11 PM                    So this texan walks into his house with a sheep under his arm, and straight into the bedroom where his wife is laying down then says this is the pig i have been sleeping with why you are gone, his wife says, that aint no pig stupid thats a sheep, he says, shut the hell up i wasnt talking to you! Posts: 148 | From: Mesa, AZ | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged NASA Knows what it's all about Member # 177 posted December 08, 2005 03:55 PM                   The 3 biggest lies in Texas: 1) See this belt buckle? I won it in the rodeo! 2) See that new P/U truck? It's paid for, free & clear! 3) Honest officer, I was just tryin' to help that sheep thru the fence! Posts: 1168 | From: Typical White Person | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged Gerald Stewart Knows what it's all about Member # 162 posted December 08, 2005 06:01 PM                   Well Leonard, that just goes to show you we get what we are after, marry women from Arizona and are the home of NASA...right! [ December 09, 2005, 06:27 AM: Message edited by: Gerald Stewart ] Posts: 419 | From: Waco,Tx | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged Dog up Knows what it's all about Member # 746 posted December 08, 2005 07:40 PM                   God was walking through heaven and seemed quite happy. An angel saw him and asked why he was so happy. God said I am creating the Earth and I have done a pretty good job. The angel asked God for an example of what he had done. God replied "Well, I have made a very balanced world. There are some hot places and some cold places. There are some wet places and dry ones. Some high places and some low places." The angle seemed interested so God went on, "Wait until you see a place I made that will be called New Mexico. There will be scientists and artists and desert plains and high aspen woods. It will be a land of industry and tradition. Many cultures will live together and the land will be prosperous." The angel thought a moment and said "That sound fantastic but you just told me the world would be a balanced place and New Mexico seems to be loaded with good stuff and interesting people." God replied "Wait until you hear about the redneck nitwits I put in a dump called Texas." Don't get all bent anyone. I used to live in New Mexico and heard all sorts of texan jokes. This one was just a classic. It could fit with lots of other places but the topic is texan jokes. -------------------- How much lead could a rock chuck catch if a rock chuck could catch lead? Posts: 29 | From: S.W. Idaho | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged scruffy Knows what it's all about Member # 725 posted December 09, 2005 06:58 AM                   News Report: A group of Texans have gathered at the boarder with New Mexico and are throwing hand granades over the boarder into NM. A group of New Mexicans are pulling the pins and thowing the grenades back over the boarder. later, scruffy -------------------- Git R Done Posts: 361 | From: south central Iowa | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged Barndog Knows what it's all about Member # 255 posted December 09, 2005 09:59 AM                       Johnny was working in a NM supermarket when a gentleman came in and wanted to buy a half of head of lettuce. Johnny told the man you can’t buy a half of head of lettuce. The gentleman replied, I can buy a half of watermelon, and a half of cantaloupe why can’t I buy a half a head of lettuce. Johnny told the man that he would have to take this up with the manager. Johnny heads to the back and runs into the manager. He tells the manager that some Jerk wants to buy a half of head of lettuce, just then Johnny notices that the man is standing right behind him. So Johnny quickly replies. “And this gentleman would like to buy the other half”. The manager was greatly impressed with Johnny’s quick response and asked were Johnny was from. “Texas” said Johnny. “Why did you move to NM” asked the manager. “Oh there are only whores and football players in Texas, had to get out”. Oh said the manger my wife is from Texas. Johnny replies “What team does she play for?” Merry Christmas everyone Posts: 185 | From: Idaho | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged Leonard HMFIC Member # 2 posted December 09, 2005 10:06 AM                       Texas jokes are as close as we will ever get, in this PC world. Ethnic jokes are out. Racial jokes are out. Gender jokes are especially out. Thank God we can still have a little fun at the expense of Texans. Good hunting. LB -------------------- EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All. Don't piss me off! Posts: 32370 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged Melvin Knows what it's all about Member # 634 posted December 09, 2005 04:33 PM                    The italian say's'When i've finished makina da love with my girl friend,i go down and gently,tickle the back of her kneese.She floats a 6 inches above da bed in ecstasy! The Frenchman replies,'zat is nothing,when i finished making ze love,ah kiss way down her body and zen ah lick da soles of her feet wiz mah tounge and she floats 12 inches off da bed in pure ecstasy! The Texan,says'Thats nothing,when i finish doin my misses,i gets outa bed,walks over to the window and wipes me **** on The curtains,she hits the ******'roof every time!! Posts: 661 | From: PA. | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged Clint Knows what it's all about Member # 346 posted December 09, 2005 05:49 PM                    this one is pretty bad. what does a texan do when he drops his gum in the toilet?................ he picks it up and chews the shit out of it. [ December 10, 2005, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: Clint ] Posts: 148 | From: Mesa, AZ | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged Leonard HMFIC Member # 2 posted December 09, 2005 06:24 PM                       wild guess. He dropped his gun, or GUM? -------------------- EL BEE Knows It All and Done It All. Don't piss me off! Posts: 32370 | From: Upland, CA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged Dog up Knows what it's all about Member # 746 posted December 10, 2005 10:29 PM                   Why dont they circumcise boys in Texas? So they have somewhere to put their chew when they brush their teeth (tooth). -------------------- How much lead could a rock chuck catch if a rock chuck could catch lead? Posts: 29 | From: S.W. Idaho | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged

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