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Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on August 25, 2005, 11:35 AM:
My Dad died last night. He had a heart attack, age 76.
I meet the ambulance at the E.R, helped unload him, CPR in progress. It was tough.
My Dad had his flaws, as well as I. He loved huntin jacks, Red Fox & especially coyotes. We shared many fond memories hunting. He taught me everything he ever learned of hunting.
When he got older, He'd call me once a week in winter time to get a hunting report. He tagged along with me a few times, after he had quit.
Man, I miss him so.
Posted by Gerald Stewart (Member # 162) on August 25, 2005, 11:44 AM:
My sympathies to you and your family 2dogs. That is a tough thing almost all of us face at some point in our lives. I was with my mother in the waiting room and stepped outside to hear the sounds of the Doctors trying to start Dad's heart that had been restarted twice already. It did not work the third time.
It is tough to know what to say to people at times like this but I hope you will recieve the same comfort that I did from the people that simply told me that they had walked in my shoes.
My Dad's was an Aeortic Anyurism that caused congestive heart failure. He was 62.
[ August 25, 2005, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Gerald Stewart ]
Posted by Jay Nistetter (Member # 140) on August 25, 2005, 12:00 PM:
It's always tough letting go.
Now he will tag along every time.
Posted by Leonard (Member # 2) on August 25, 2005, 12:24 PM:
My sympathies.
I lost my father quite a few years ago. He was a good man.
Good hunting. LB
Posted by onecoyote (Member # 129) on August 25, 2005, 12:47 PM:
2Dogs,My sympathies also....Nobody knows how hard it is tell it happens to them. I lost my best friend (my dad) when I was 16, I'm now 62 and I still miss him...Jay said it right, (Now he well tag along everytime.)
[ August 25, 2005, 12:48 PM: Message edited by: onecoyote ]
Posted by Joel Hughes (Member # 384) on August 25, 2005, 01:39 PM:
Very sorry to hear that, 2dogs. My sympathies and prayers as well.
God Bless,
Joel
Posted by varmit hunter (Member # 37) on August 25, 2005, 01:47 PM:
2dogs. I never have the right words for times like these. Hang on to what you posted about the times you shared. Jay is right. My Dad has been gone for 27 years,yet he has been with me for those 27 years. Wish I could lighten the burden on your heart.
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on August 25, 2005, 02:02 PM:
Everett,
Sorry to hear about your dad's passing. Our condolences go out to you and your family.
My dad is still here but not as healthy as he used to be. My mom died in '88 and dad's second wife died last year. At first, mom would show up in my dreams, almost every night. It would mess me up inside and it took me some time to realize why I would wake up upset, but not be able to recall why. Just the nature of dreams. Then, it became clearer to me. And in a short time, I came to realize that they were more than dreams. They were her way of visiting me. Checking in and making sure I was alright. Nowadays, she stops by just once in a great while. Not very often at all, but it gives me a chance to once again hear her voice, and see her face. Although I wake up missing her all over again, I'm grateful for the chance to remember her even more. And things - wonderful things - have happened in my life, often shortly after the loss of a loved one. I may not be an every-Sunday-in-church kinda guy, but I believe that there's something waiting on the other side, and I believe that those who have gone ahead make things happen for us here to keep us happy. Your dad will be there for you every minute of every day. Look for him because now he's everywhere around you. Checking in on ya. The last thing he is is "gone". You just can't touch him... for now. Be patient and know that you'll see him again someday. And know that the rest of us hold you in our hearts, our thoughts and our prayers.
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on August 25, 2005, 03:02 PM:
I appreciate all of your kind words, they choked me up. Thank You all.
Posted by TheHuntedOne (Member # 623) on August 25, 2005, 03:13 PM:
Prayers from our family to yours.
Posted by Lonny (Member # 19) on August 25, 2005, 05:19 PM:
Sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. That's has got to be tough. It sounds as if you both shared a great love of the outdoors and hunting and I'm sure you must have some great memories of the times spent together. I know if I live a full life I will someday be in your shoes. Just reading your post makes me want to get the most out of the trips my Dad and I have left.
Take care
Posted by JoeF (Member # 228) on August 25, 2005, 06:43 PM:
2dogs, it's a tough thing to deal with and one that I'm too familiar with.
My dad died 2 years ago at the age of 80. He was one hell of a task master and had done a bit of everything. He never called a predator in his life but had hunted and trapped more than I ever can. In his later days he took an interest in what I was doing and had many opinions - I think that it was Mark Twain who made a comment about how much his parents learned after he turned 21.. or something like that. I know for a fact that there was no substitute for his experience outdoors, calling or not.
I've had to deal with the devastating news this week that mom is not far behind.
The best that I can do is wipe a tear from my eye and reflect on the wonderful people that they are and the outdoor experiences that were theirs.
Theirs' has been a better life and the best we can do is follow behind. My sympathies are with you. It is not easy.
Posted by Melvin (Member # 634) on August 25, 2005, 06:54 PM:
2dogs,my dad and mother passed away many years ago.My dad was 76 when he died, from heart failure...I know exactly how you feel.
My dad,was a hunter and i miss him to...He started me hunting at the young age of 9 years old and thats something you never forget.
There is a bond or closeness,between father and son,i know there was between you and your father,from reading your posts.
There is something that helped me through the hard times,when i lost my dad...I know he didn't go somewhere,that i'm not going someday...He is part of you and wherever you go he will be with you,untill then.
Posted by Az-Hunter (Member # 17) on August 25, 2005, 07:34 PM:
We all ache with you 2dogs, I lost the best man I ever knew back in 88, two months later my mother passed too.
You'll never be the same, it changes you, your attitude,your beliefs and your view of life, but you'll be a better man....because of your father.
Sad news my friend, those of us who have lost our dads know the grief you feel, in time, the grief,the tears and the heartache, will turn to a smile, it takes time buddy....time.
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on August 25, 2005, 08:03 PM:
I started hunting with my Dad, when I was 10yrs old. I'm 51 now. Somedays we'd go hunting just him & I. Those were the most special to me.
We had large hunting areas. One area had a little town, with a resturant on the outskirts. Whenever, we'd go to that area. We'd stop for hot-chilli at lunchtime. He'd eat chilli anytime of the day. I love it now.
His two hunting bud's [Larry & Willard] He thought the World of. They both were younger than he.
One day Dad & I were driving the gravel roads winter-time looking for coyote.
He turned to me, out of the Blue, & said, "Larry's my best friend, I love him" I paused, smiled & said, "I love him to Dad"
He smiled back. Then we both started laughing.
I regret, saying some things to my Dad out of anger. Some things, I just wished I would've said.
I'm sorry for you guys loss, as well.
Posted by Tim Behle (Member # 209) on August 25, 2005, 08:24 PM:
I lost my third Grandparent just last week, but I can't imagine the loss that you now feel.
As hard as it hits me to loose a Grandparent, I can't imagine what it would be like to loose one of my parents.
A few days ago, they handed me some documents giving me Power of Attorney and a copy of their living will. It gives me the shakes and brings me to tears just to look at the envelope.
I know the day is coming, but I can't bear the thought of it.
My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you and yours.
Posted by Byron South (Member # 213) on August 25, 2005, 10:07 PM:
2Dogs,
My Dad is still living but we are not very close. Just way different interest. However, my Grandad and I were very close and I lost him last October and can sort of understand the pain you must be feeling. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Byron
Posted by keekee (Member # 465) on August 25, 2005, 10:27 PM:
Sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Me and my dad were not very close when I was younger, we had our share of problems then. Now he is one of my best friends and would not trade the time I have had with him for any amount of money or fame. I wish it would of been this way when I was very young. He worked hard raising the family and putting food on the table for us, times were hard then, so he didnt have time. But he has made up for all of that and then some.
I dont even want to think about loosing him. I really do feel for you and your family, and wish you all the best!
Brent
[ August 25, 2005, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: keekee ]
Posted by Jrbhunter (Member # 459) on August 26, 2005, 04:05 AM:
Sorry for your loss 2dogs.
Posted by Randy Buker (Member # 134) on August 26, 2005, 08:41 AM:
My sympathies to you and yours. It's a difficult loss.
Posted by Rich Higgins (Member # 3) on August 26, 2005, 12:30 PM:
I truly sympathize, a tremendous loss, 2dogs. I know it's hard to even breathe right now but it does get easier in time.
My condolences.
Posted by Kokopelli (Member # 633) on August 26, 2005, 04:37 PM:
2dogs, I never have the right words for times like yours, so; What Rich said, from me also.
It will get better.....just takes time.
Posted by Todd Woodall (Member # 439) on August 26, 2005, 05:00 PM:
2dogs, I am very sorry for your loss. I have worked as a Paramedic for 6 years and I am sorry you had to see what you did. There has been some very valuble info given here. You seem like a very strong man and I pray you find the strength to get you and your family through this hard time. I too feel that your father will always be with you and will be a guiding light in your life. My grandfather and I were very close and I spent much of my childhood with him. He died when I was 12. In his last days he had no grasp on reality and it was very hard for me. Every rational statement he made was about a horse he had bought for me. I had always wanted one and we never had the means to get one. He truly believed that he had gotten me one and kept saying I needed to go up to the barn and see it. His last thoughts were of doing something so wonderful for me. It was very tough. I never seem to have the right words to say, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Todd
[ August 26, 2005, 05:16 PM: Message edited by: Todd Woodall ]
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on August 26, 2005, 06:58 PM:
Todd, and 2dogs as well, as both of you may know, I spent 15 years in EMS ending that part of my life just this past year when I finally let my certification lapse. I resigned full time with a full-time service as a Shift Supervisor/ Captain and for a small town, I know of at least 3,500 recorded emergency calls I went on in my career. I wasn't very far into my time before I realized just how special a job I had. In all the code blues I ran, I quickly realized that I was with these people for their last fading moments in this life, be it in the back of the ambulance or wherever. Oftentimes, the hallowed position I held was even more than the pt's loved ones and family members who followed behind us enroute to the ER. What a special place to be and a privilege to be offered. At first, I too found it difficult to face the wives, children, grandkids or whatever relationship the survivors standing outside the trauma room door held with the pt. I would try to sneak out a side door, maybe cast them a sideways glance, but always do my damnest to not make contact with them.
Once I realized the specialness of my position, I soon learned to go out and face the family. After the doctors had given them the news. I would introduce myself, tell them the role I played in the rescue attempt, assure them that we did everything we could do for their loved one and tell them how sorry I was for their loss. I acknowledged their loved one. I gave a lot of hugs, and even cried a few times with them. In the end, it helped me to deal with the ones we lost. As IC on all those scenes, it was easy to second guess after the fact and oftentimes be eaten up by "what ifs". Once I started acknowledging my pts, I found it easier to deal with those uncomfortable moments. And to this day, I have family members come up to me in public and thank me for taking the time when they really needed it. Me, too.
My main job the past five years was training entry level medics, fresh out of class. Most of my trainees are now excellent Paramedics (MICT's in KS) with larger agencies and I made each and everyone of them get to know the families. Most of them say it's made them better on the streets. Kinda off the subject, and I don't want to hijack 2dogs thread, but I understand that in Todd's market, they often don't have time to do much more than get the truck around and take the next backlogged call. But, when time allows, it helps everyone on all sides. That job was the mnost emotionally demanding and lowest paying job I ever held, and I'd never do it again if given the chance, but I'm also glad in looking back that I did it to begin with. I lost a lot of codes, but I brought three babies into this world as well. That's my silver lining.
Posted by Crow Woman (Member # 157) on August 26, 2005, 07:33 PM:
2dogs... I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to this thread. Everyone that knows me, knows that even after 4 years this is a difficult subject for me.
But, I can give you advice that was given to me over and over again... celebrate your life and times that you had together. And although it may seem at times that he is not there... he really is, even more so than ever before.
Friends and family are a real good thing to have around at a time like this... don't be afraid to chat or open up about surfacing memories from time to time. It helps others as much so as it helps you... trust me on this one. Take as much time as you need to heal. Remember... this is your healing, not anyone else's and only you know how long you need.
I wish you comfort, good memories and healing, 2dogs. A candle has been lit, messages have been sent and off in a distance, a flute plays for the dance.
Crow Woman
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on August 27, 2005, 03:23 AM:
I deeply appreciate everyones sympathies, thoughts, prayers & words of encouragement. Also sharing of your own personal pain & loss's.
Dad's best hunting bud [Larry], came to our house last night. He brought some old hunting pics of Dad. We did a lot of hugging & crying, it ripped at my heart. He stayed four hrs. We shared many fond memories, we all had together.
I've never been real good with words. But have always offered my help, to someone in pain. Larry took away some of that pain, by giving of his time & love. As he was leaving, we hugged & said we loved each other. I slept well last night, because of Larry.
It's often hard sometimes for men to express emotion. I can be hard or tough, when needed. As I needed to be for my older sibling's that night. They have not seen or been around death & suffering, as I have. I greive alone.
---------
Crow woman,
You touched my heart so deeply.
[ August 27, 2005, 03:26 AM: Message edited by: 2dogs ]
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on September 09, 2005, 04:35 PM:
Us kids have been fixing up Dad's old place to sell. So his ailing wife could get some money flowing. To pay off her debts & his funeral.
She died today @ 1530, as well. She went into [Respiratory Distress], then Coded. She missed Dad terribly. Their both together now. The only solitude, I can get in this whole ordeal.
Man I could use a break, for awhile. I know someday, he'll visit me. I look forward to that gift.
Posted by Cdog911 (Member # 7) on September 09, 2005, 08:47 PM:
2dogs,
Sorry to hear about yet another wave of crisis in your life. There have been so many times where I saw just that very thing happen, when a surviving spouse goes within days of the first. I know your grief is overwhelming right now, but try to take a moment and see the positive here - the fact that she cared for your dad so much that she lost the will to stay here without him. Every good man deserves a woman like that, and it's a true privelege that your dad enjoyed, I'm sure.
Take care of yourself.
Posted by Crow Woman (Member # 157) on September 10, 2005, 04:38 AM:
As the winds of time grace through over the fields of life, a single rose stands alone. No longer strong to stand on her own, for she has lost her mate, her pillar of strength.
Just like her Love before her, her stem weakens like her vessel in which her spirit resides in. Her petals and leaves wrinkle as you have seen when you look upon her face.
She awaits the call from her Love that the time is ready for her to join him. They are one again... they dance again... they watch over what they have left behind... The seeds of a new generation... They smile in knowing the blooms and blossums that will flourish for their families from their seeds.
Take a moment and breath now 2dogs... They are always watching my friend.
Crow Woman
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on September 10, 2005, 05:26 AM:
Thank you both, for your kind words.
Everett
Posted by Gerald Stewart (Member # 162) on September 10, 2005, 06:51 AM:
"I greive alone".
No....you don't 2dogs. Anybody who has ever lost a father or mother grieves in their own way with you. No it is not quite with the intensity and emotion you are feeling right now but it is with a remembrance of the loss we felt in our time of grieving . We know your loss and want you to know that we are standing right beside you, if anything, just to lay a hand on your shoulder and say we understand.
[ September 10, 2005, 06:51 AM: Message edited by: Gerald Stewart ]
Posted by varmit hunter (Member # 37) on September 10, 2005, 07:20 AM:
2dogs
Know that faceless people you will never see are carrying small pieces of the load on you're heart. Though you have a heavy burden we are all trying to help you lift it.
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on September 10, 2005, 02:51 PM:
Thank you all for your kind words. I appreciate your compassion & friendship.
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on September 12, 2005, 04:14 AM:
I dreamt last night, I was a new-guy Police Officer. Riding shotgun with an experienced partner.
It was dark, early morning. We came across an armed break-in of a local store. We went around the opposite side of the block. He was going to drop me off.
I took 5 extra buckshot shells, after loading the 12ga. As I got out of our patrol car. I commented on the 2-3/4"length shells to my
partner. I said, "3-shells would be better"
He called for back-up, then drove around the store front side, and waited for them to come out. I worked my way towards the back of the store in the darkness.
No back door on that store. I came around to the frontside. Of an adjacent store.
Sun was popping up. I panned to my Right, seen my Dad. Standing up to the front door window, looking skyward. I yelled, "DAD", then I looked up as well. He was looking at a flock of geese, flying over.
I looked back at him. I couldn't hear him. But could read his lips. He smiled and said, "I'm O.K, I'm in Heaven now" I woke up, with tears of comfort.
Posted by Jay Nistetter (Member # 140) on September 12, 2005, 07:48 AM:
That choked me up.
Posted by 2dogs (Member # 649) on November 07, 2005, 07:00 AM:
We had Dad's auction yesterday. Everything sold, good turnout. We all worked hard to put it together.
Grandkids, bought many things.
Many thoughts passed through my eyes, during this ordeal. Had to keep busy, to keep from breaking-down.
All us kids had a big hug, when it was over. Re-affirming, re-affirming. Fogged eye's & choked words. Life go's on.
Can't wait to get into the field, to hunt with Dad ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
.
[ November 07, 2005, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: 2dogs ]
Posted by scruffy (Member # 725) on November 07, 2005, 08:11 AM:
When we had my grandfathers farm sale I was 14. I watched all the farm equipment I used on the farm sell one by one. Most of the stuff went high. I watched the old AC WD45 tractor sell. My grandpa taught me how to drive on that tractor. I was so small I couldn't reach the foot feet but it had a hand clutch and power steering so on level fields he'd have me drive it as he threw hay bales up on the rack. As the bids came in I held it together as the rush of memories came apon me. After the sale was over and all the equipment was being loaded and taken away the old WD just sat there. I walked over to it to say good bye, like it was an old friend. This old man came hobbling up behind me with his cane, tears in my eyes. He asked if I could drive the tractor over to his farm down the road. He'd bought the tractor for his collection but couldn't climb up on them anymore with his legs as bad as they were.
I climbed up, fired the old girl to life, and slowly made my last drive on the old WD down the road, trying not to sob. I missed my grandpa, it was like loosing him again. I pulled up to the barn, idled her down, then toggled it off.
I was in that area 6 or so years ago and drove past the farm where'd I'd drove the old WD to. The old man that had bought it was gone now. His place sat empty, all of his stuff sold. I had no idea where the old WD went.
As I drove down the road, past the next neighbors place I saw it, I pulled in the drive, over to it. It now had a front loader on it ran off the old sharlin power sterring pump. It looked in really good shape and was doing light farm duty now for a different neighbor.
I sometimes wonder who owned my '47 Farmall M in the past. Is there a young boy that learned to drive from his grandpa in my tractors past? If only that old tractor could speak. But I do know that in a few years, my '47 M will be the tractor my girl uses around my place. And when I'm gone hopefully seeing it, and old tractors like it, will remind her of me.
later,
scruffy
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